LOVE re-visitied:

Love,
to me, only to me,
strictly to me,
is a theory, an idea,
that I wanted so badly
that I convinced myself that I was in love
with a girl that represented that idea
in my head.

I don't blame myself
because I want to love,
and to be loved.

I just don't want the emotional mixture
that comes along with it.
I want peaceful love,
quiet love,
joyful love.
Passionate love?
Passionate yes,
volatile love...no!
I don't think so.

Damn, just the idea of holding hands
with someone that I'm attracted to;
that's all I really wanted to do.
It was only an idea.
A painful idea because she said no.

Allowing my mind to float, now,
I have to ask myself:
Are you happy?

That's my love's eternal question,
always...
Are you happy?

Everyday, in the morning,
wouldn't I have asked you:
Are you happy?

And if you would have said no,
wouldn't I have asked:
what can I do to make you happy?
It's a peaceful, idealistic, theory.
Are you happy?
I want to be happy, too.

God, where is my happiness?
I guess, if I smiled more
it would help.
I'm really not a bad guy,
but, I guess, no one really knows that.
I really should smile more.

Ask me, now:
Are you happy?
And I will answer truthfully.
To be by myself?
Not really.
But, I'm not depressed, either.
But, I think I could cry.
Yes, let me cry for a little while.
Because it is painful.

OK, that was short but thunderous!
I had to do it.
OK, now let me dry these tears from my eyes.
Let me breathe a little easier.

Now, let me ask:
God, Jesus,
am I not your child?

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives;
he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks,
the door will be opened."

Father, God, Jesus...
Please,
I'm asking for my happiness
manifested in my theory of love.

I want to be happy, too.
I don't want to cry, anymore.
Won't you save me from this painful heart?

Who'll ask me...
If I'm happy?

Damn, just the idea of holding hands
with someone that I'm attracted to;
that's all I really want to do.
It's only an idea;
hopefully, a happy idea.

By: Michael C. Teniente
November 22, 2011
Los Angeles, California 90004